Outside(r)
I brush my teeth using a brush said to remove 70% more dental plaque than any ordinary toothbrush. The paste is filled with crystals that gives a fresh sensation of cleanliness. I use mouthwash that lasts until I go back to sleep. I floss.
The shampoo I use prevents the creation of dandruff and the balm contains both C and E vitamins to keep the hair soft and healthy. I shave every day with one of those vibrating blades. I prefer those over an electric razor because it gives me the feeling of a closer shave. The after shave I use prevents irritation and the creation of pimples. The moisturizer I use on my hands contains aloe vera, ginseng and rosemary oil.
There are five different perfumes I choose from, mostly at random. Today I smell of Diesel. I trim my nose hair and clean my ears. I never wear the same clothes two days in a row, ever.
I haven't talked to anyone in four days.
Because having been born with endless possibilities and potential I began to feel more and more like Jerome Morrow, the character in Gattaca played by Jude Law. However, unlike him and his unfortunate accident (self-inflicted?) terminating his abilities for life, I made an active choice each and every day to squander what could have been or might become. Instead, I poisoned myself with cigarettes, alcohol and literature.
The reward, I felt, was that I knew about my own failure and that it was a chosen failure. A slap in the face of everyone trying or even dreamt of trying to achieve something. I had other priorities. I knew I could change, I knew how, and for every person telling me to get a hold of myself, to get a grip, I went deeper into my own successful enterprise of waste.
